A Christmas Note To Self

So we’re well into December. Yay.  We’re all officially excited about Christmas (well I have been for a while now, I just kept it on the down low in fear of people telling me to fuck off and die). The decorations are up (don’t worry they went up post 1st December so no baby reindeer’s were drowned by raging elves*), the present buying is well under way so Christmas has well and truly begun. Excited – much!

It will be the first Christmas where all three kids will be at the age where they are sort of more ‘knowing’. They know who Santa is and they’re excited about presents. They can rip open presents and appreciate (sort of) what’s inside. They won’t take hours to pull the corner off a present, lose concentration, run off and get an old toy, come back to the present give it a bewildered look and then play with the box. We’re coming through that and everyone is at a good christmas present opening speed and enthusiasm. So for us Christmas is mega exciting. Lots of perfect moments ahead and plenty of memories to be made.

The excitement has been well and truly with me for a few weeks and my head has been buzzing, full of awesome ideas and visions of yuletide splendor.

And so it begins….

Yet again the curse of the ‘lists’ has sent me on the path towards the Christmas meltdown as the momentous vision of Christmas perfection has seen me setting myself humongous goals. High expectations that would give even Supermum a nervous breakdown. The pressure is immense as somehow I have yet again been sucked into the bull shit of how I should be doing Christmas.

So to in an attempt to avoid the meltdown and to keep hold of ones shit I have decided to put together a little ‘note to self’. A little list of learnings of past to make sure I keep my head on it and prevent myself from going Christmas crackers.

1) Remember you still have three kids to look after and time is minimal; be realistic about the ‘nice to have’ and what can actually get done without someone being murdered. Think Christmas Eve Boxes V Mental break down. Don’t get sucked into thinking you need to do all this shit, sanity is more important. A trip to Santa, presents on Christmas Day and getting together with the fam is surely enough and all that you could ever need.

2) Your elf will probably be a little boring because you will probably be knackered and have little imagination left at the end of the day – remembering to move him every night and put the chocolates in the advent calendar will be a start. Anyways he’s got a job to do…

3) Be realistic about ‘The List (s)’. Kids will change their minds every day up until Christmas eve (bad news for the Christmas gift list), they’ll also want everything they see on the telly and most of it that they have you run back from the loo to have a look at, they will have no sodding idea what it does or is. You are their mother and you know what they like (most of the time). Toys R Us do not have the foggiest idea of your kids interests so ignore them when they keep sending you emails about the must have toys for 2016. You do not need a sodding Firby connect (it’s highly likely to end up in the bath). Write the list and draw a line under it. Once its gone to Santa, that’s it, the list is unchangeable.

4) When you enter popular discounted home stores ensure you are in possession of definitive list of items/ gift themes. Don’t get sucked into the wonderment of the heavily discounted items or you will just end up with a load of crap that you either a) do not need or b) is completely random/impractical.

5) Pinterest is a lying bastard, don’t get sucked into the wonder of Christmas crafts. It really does a rubbish job of depicting the struggle behind the Christmas crafts and the gingerbread men baking (which no one will really want to eat because they will have been manhandled by little germ ridden hands). So when the idea of gifting the grandparents with homemade gems enters ones head – THINK CHAOS.

6) You will forget something, because well you always forget something, but it will not ruin Christmas. The shops will only be closed for a day and there’s no point getting your knickers in a twist over things that aren’t really that important.

8) Use Santa selectively when disciplining the kids or you will just end up looking like a twat when you have a minus 147 present score on the reward chart on Christmas Eve; because you know you’re going to give them everything, because its Christmas. Be selective over ones Christmas threats, there really is no point what so ever threatening to ring Santa every five minutes.

9) Avoid last-minute Christmas shopping, because you will most likely have to do it with three kids in tow. Therefore do not take the kids shopping on Christmas Eve. No shit in the world is worth the pain. All that will happen is that you will most probably ruin the others half’s presents with a gingerbread latte (pure stupidity thinking that going in Costa with all the kids on Christmas Eve was ‘nice’- IDIOT).

And finally……..

Just remember all the crap that we’re meant to be doing is just nonsense. The most important thing is being together with family. That sounds completely corny I know, but its true. There’s so much pressure to make everything perfect and 99% of the time, special moments just happen regardless of how much you plan. You don’t have to Hygge it up as special moments are not guaranteed regardless of  whether you’re in your comfy socks, sat by a fire with a cup of hot chocolate.

It’s not easy to get together with family due to the chaos that is having your own little ones. So when Christmas comes around and we all arrange a get together, it really is great. You know why? Because every year we will laugh and reminisce about the Christmas’ that we spent as kids. We didn’t have a huge amount and gifts were a bit more simple than life-like toy animals that shit for you, but it was bloody good fun.

So I hope you all have a perfectly boring Christmas!
*Yeah one of the many Facebook memes going around trying to kill people’s excitement. So fucking what if you put your decorations up in November, what’s wrong with being excited a little bit earlier.

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