The saying goes…’If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all’.
So true – for obvious reasons.
The same can be said, I feel, of stating the obvious. Identifying something that is obviously difficult for the other person is just plain twatish if you ask me. For the recipient of the obvious statement, they are reminded of the struggle and the flood gates of self-doubt are once again opened up. I mean, this is an extreme example, but would you point out to a person with one leg, that walking must be difficult? I doubt it. So why oh why I ask you, do we feel the need to state the fucking obvious to a mum who is clearly not having the best of mornings, battling on the school run?
OH JUST KNOB RIGHT OFF YOU DICK
She is harassed and doesn’t want to be late. She’s spent all morning battling to get everyone out the door snot free with shoes on the right feet and is probably conscious of what she looks like but she doesn’t have time to look in the mirror anymore because the kids take up all of her ‘self-maintenance’ time. She doesn’t want to look like Kelly McGillis (circa Top Gun) doing the walk of shame but unfortunately taming the children takes precedent over taming the hair. She’s also probably a tad hung over from the wine she drank last night because the kids wouldn’t go to bed. She’s probably sick to death of having to repeat herself fifty million times before any of the fuckers listen to her. She’s almost definitely carrying a tonne of guilt on her shoulders because she shouted at them all in a desperate attempt to get them out the door on time. She’s also wondering why the fuck she had all these kids, that she clearly cannot control and is most definitely feeling like a prize twat of a failure. She never could have imagined how hard this would be. She wants to walk down the street giving off the impression that this job is a piece of piss and apologises for the fact that it doesn’t come across like that, because in reality it’s quite often a fucking nightmare. She wants so desperately to be the perfect mum but some days she completely cocks it up.
Does this woman need to be told she did it to herself. I think not.
She’s well aware that the blame lies fully with her. She made her bed and she is sodding well lying in it (in a proverbial sense, as there’s not much sleep going on and there’s very little lying down). Yes, she may seem mental and yes it’s asking for trouble having three kids in three years. She apologises that it’s not the ‘norm’ but there are those of us that were unable to time their ‘acceptable’ two children with the ideal age gap of two to three years. Unfortunately some of us have ovaries that do not give a shit about whether you’ve achieved your career goals or whether you’ve been able to re-model the sodding bathroom and didn’t stop to think how full your hands would be. They will ovulate whenever the fuck they want; whether that be once a month, once a year or every sodding four years. Some of us have to throw whatever we can into the job and hope that the family we desperately desire arrives. For some of us our family hopes are placed in the lap of the gods and we accept what we are given, when we are given it and just sodding well get on with it the best we can. Give us some fucking credit!
****OK RANT OVER, AND BREATHE****
It’s not ideal, I know that. There’s no question that three kids in three years is tough and there’s not many of us crazy enough to do it, which is completely understandable. To be honest I don’t think I’ve met anyone who planned it this way. I know you all mean well and if the person who said this knew I was imagining setting them on fire then maybe they would have realised it wasn’t the best thing to say. It’s also quite possible my reaction to said comment was intensified due to my temperament at the time, being what my other half likes to call as ‘rag week’, where I am not so patient with things like this (again the ovaries fault). I can normally just join in with the general ‘taking the mick out’ of our situation but when I’m having a bad morning I’m not so receptive. *Cue captain obvious*.
If I were given the choice of having three kids so close together or having none at all then there’s no question that I would now be swanning around ‘lunching’ with friends, getting my hair and nails done regularly, jetting off around the world and having lots of nice lie ins. JOKE, of course I wouldn’t change what I have now, not for all the money in the world. There was a time when I was beginning to think that we were never going to have kids. Things were getting tense and we were heading towards the conversation. The conversation that no one wants to have because it’s the one where you may have to face that the fact that you may never become a parent. The conversation where you try to figure out what you will do; can we afford IVF, would we be able to adopt? This was a dismal place to be and I honestly don’t know if I would’ve been able to manage there. Thankfully for us we didn’t have to have that conversation and we were fortunate enough not to ever have to make such tough decisions. Muchos respect for those of you that do, it takes some courage to choose a path and follow it not ever really knowing the outcome. The family we wanted came, admittedly a little quicker than we would have liked, but the main thing is we go it.
So yes, we certainly did do this to ourselves and we are fucking legends for doing it!