A Perfectly Insane Family Day Out

Albert Einstein famously defined insanity as;  ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’

I am therefore insane. I imagine that I am not alone and most parents are insane. But why I hear you ask?

Because we delude ourselves with visions of a perfect family day out, full of smiles and happiness; the picture of family harmony. Completely disregarding the fact THAT YOU ARE OUT WITH KIDS.

The day is all planned out. The tickets are booked for Disney on Ice, because you imagine the pure delight on little faces when they see their favourite characters; Anna and Elsa, Buzz and Woody speed past them on skates. You plan the dress up outfits that they will wear and you alter said outfits to fit, you sit with your daughter and put her hair into braids, just like Anna and you and your other half constantly gaze at each other with pure amazement and happiness that we created these lovely little people. You picture yourself having a lovely little stroll around Birmingham stopping off for a little bite to eat where we all sit lovely and talk about what an amazing time we all had. Then we go home for a cuddle on the settee until everyone is sleepy and happily wanders off to bed.

Then the day happens and this is how it goes,

It starts quite well with smiles. You are lulled into a false sense of security, anxiety evaporates and you really feel like this day will be different.

Just on the phone to Dora telling her that she’s going to see Anna and Elsa. 20 minutes into the day, so far so good. Not managed as yet to get the Buzz Light-year costume on the middle child

We decide that we definitely don’t want to dress up as Buzz Light-year and we would rather keep our grandad cardigan on. An hour was spent altering it to fit but don’t you worry.

Does not want to come in peace today. Quite within his rights to change his mind. Grrr

Several attempts to take a beautiful family selfie. NOT HAPPENING.

Mummy and Daddy have paid 100 odd sodding quid for this day out, so if you could just smile that would be great

We suddenly develop a million dollar arm during attempted selfie and manage to lamp the woman two rows in front IN THE HEAD with the dummy

I wonder what will happen if I just throw…..

The beautiful braids get ripped out and every attempt to put them back in are met with a scream.

Come near my hair and I’ll create hell..

Decide to piss about under the table during meal at All Bar One – who thought table legs could be so much fun.

Wahoo table legs. Yes!
Wahoo table legs. Yes!

‘Every fucking time’ is muttered under the breath then with a desperate glance towards the other half  you mouth ‘lets just go’.

Then on the walk back to the car, something happens. In the final minutes of the day out, we find joy in the simplest of things and FUCK ALL TO DO WITH THE EXPENSIVE DAY OUT.


However, I will not change and I will keep doing the same thing over and over. Even if the day doesn’t turn out the way it was intended there will be fun to be had and moments to remember. Even if they are completely unrelated, precious memories are made and that is why I will be happily insane for the rest of my life.

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